Wednesday, June 04, 2003

Candy Update!! Candy Update!!
I've been OBSESSED with finding a Marathon bar for the past three years, ever since a reporter at the Minuteman asked me if I remembered them. They're those long candy bars, shaped like a chain, made out of chocolate-covered caramel. At first, neither one of us could remember the name of the bar, which sent me into a tizzy. Finally I uncovered the name. Now I've been searching for one but haven't succeeded. Until NOW! I have just found they make a British version called "Curly Wurly." It's the same as the Marathon, although it doesn't have the traditional ruler on the package. I feel good, though, that at least there's a reasonable facsimile.
A new candy product has been launched. It's called "Sour Flush." Get this--it's a plastic toilet, of all things, filled with sour powder and comes with a candy PLUNGER!!! And I thought Fun Dip was innovative.

I need your help. I'm in search of a candy bar I've not yet tried. It's called "Valomilk" and appears to be some sort of liquidy marshmallow covered in milk chocolate. If anyone can secure a Valomilk, I'll reward you handsomely. (Yes, I can order it off the Internet, but that goes against my candy-testing policy. It has to be purchased in a store.)
Non-Chocolate Candy I DON'T like:
1) Milk duds, Sugar Babies, Sugar Daddies, bullseyes or any other caramel incarnations of the sort. I'm not a big caramel fan.
2) Chuckles, gum drops (spice or regular), orange slices, Dots, etc. The exception is spearmint leaves and anything licorice-flavored.
3) Bit o' Honeys. Not good enough to waste calories on.
4) Candy buttons. This is a classic kid candy, but think about it. You end up ingesting more paper than candy. Gross.
5) Circus Peanuts. My mother is the only person in the whole world who likes these orange-colored marshmallowy things. I bet secretly deep down she doesn't even like them. She probably buys them because she feels sorry for them. That's the way I feel, too. I hate them, but still have a fond affection for them. Kind of like the lamp in the IKEA commercial. The Circus Peanuts are not real. They don't have feelings.
6) Necco wafers. The only purpose these tasteless, Martha Stewart-color-palate discs have is for use in practicing for First Communion. (A bit of trivia: what's the only Necco wafer color/flavor that's sold on its own? Brown--chocolate. Blech)
My Fave Non-Chocolate Candy:
1) Gummi Bears: must be Haribou, no other brand. The clear and green ones are the best. The red and orange are acceptable. When I worked at Munson's, we used to put a gummi bear in a cup of water overnight and the next day it would be all plump and expanded.
2) Swedish fish: Must be original Swedish Fish brand and only the red ones. Green, yellow and orange are gross.
3) Sour Patch Kids: (and basically any other sour candy of the type.) These are made sour by a coating of pure citric acid in crystallized form. Pucker up!
4) Jelly Belly Sours: everyone's favorite jelly bean, but in the sour flavors. Don't much care for regular JB's.
5) Fireballs. When I'm feeling hot, hot, hot!
6) Charm's Blo-Pops. Love these, except they always cut up the roof of my mouth so I don't have them too often. I like the traditional red and grape.
7) Wint-o-Green Lifesavers. Mmmm. Can't stop eating these once I have one. Plus, they have the added bonus of sparking in a dark room when you hit them together.
8) Sweettarts. Again, the sour element.
9) Zotz. Haven't had these in YEARS but they're awesome. A fizzy explosion of acidic foam. Mmm.