A Bedtime Story

Once upon a time, there was a girl who decided that she loved writing so much, she'd pursue it as her career. She was rather successful and one day decided to branch out on her own. But along the way, she learned that you should never burn your bridges, because publishing is a very incestuous business. Your editorial intern today could be your editor-in-chief tomorrow. So she tried to be nice, even when she worked for the Most Evil Beeotch on the Planet Who Pretended to Be a Newspaper Editor But Was Just Satan's Messenger. However ...
this girl was also one to hold grudges.
So one day, while she was happily blogging along about her favorite subject, candy, she received a press release from a magazine that, under normal circumstances, she would've written about. But this was no ordinary magazine. You see, years ago, when the magazine first launched, our heroine sent them an idea for an article. The editor responded to her, saying (very snottily): "We're very research-oriented and we expect our writers to do some hard-core reporting, so thanks, but no thanks."
Fine. Our very polite girl went on her merry way and sold said story to another, more sophisticated magazine. But she never, ever forgot the editor's snippy words. And so, years later, when the snotty magazine wanted to play nicey-nice and get their information published, our girl ignored it. Tit for tat. Quid pro quo.

And so, dear readers, I shall not be sharing this candy information with you, but I assure you, you can live without it.

My 15 Minutes

I always wanted to be famous. A famous painter, a famous writer ... it didn't really matter what for, I just desired FAME. How I would get to that point, well, that wasn't something I really considered.
When I graduated from college, I had no clue what I wanted to do. Again, that fame was just lurking in the background. When I got my first job as an assistant editor at a travel magazine, I started to get a taste of the good life. I was treated well on press junkets and it was always fun to see my name in print, even if it was as the writer and not as the subject. I moved onto other jobs and my byline seemed to satisfy my narcissistic needs. But then it hit: the Big 3-0.
I'm not ashamed to admit it: I freaked when I was 29 1/2 and realized that soon I would be entering the adult zone and what had I done with my life? Not much.
"Try everything once," my mother always said. Finally, in the last few weeks of 20-somethingness, I began to take her advice. I did semi-adventurous things like get a tattoo, go parasailing, fly in an open cockpit bi-plane and eat a scorpion. I was well on my way to living the glamourous life. And then it happened: I turned 30 and suddenly the hunger to be famous disappeared. Poof! I felt like a burden had been lifted. I could go on my merry way living in the suburbs, shopping at Marshall's and going to bed at 9 p.m.
Now, fast-forward seven years, and I've finally had my chance at the silver screen. I was contacted (along with other bloggers, doctors, authors and such) by a film crew making a pilot for an upcoming Food Network show on-- you guessed it-- candy! A very nice woman named Jenn asked if I'd be interested in participating. Uh, YEAH!
So I headed to the city yesterday with June as my moral support. I'm a writer, not a talker, so there was the brief underlying fear that I might actually pass out or something equally as bad. I took a few drops of Bach's Rescue Remedy, we hit a bar beforehand and had a drink and then ... it was lights, camera, action!
They made me feel quite comfortable and of course, it's great to be able to talk about candy. I sat in a seat under the hot lights and the producer sat across from me asking questions. It was a lot like therapy, actually; he asked questions ("Would you say blahblahblah?" or "How do you feel about thisthatandtheotherthing?") and I would answer and he would nod, sometimes smile or laugh, sometimes take notes. No big deal.
Apparently now they'll be moving onto the editing stage and hopefully, if all goes well, the show will run in January, I'll be in it (cross your fingers!) and I'll have had my fifteen minutes. You know I'll keep you posted.
(P.S. Everyone I told this to asked the same thing: "What did you wear?" My first instinct was to just be myself-- a T-shirt and jeans-- but the day before I panicked and went out and tried on every damn shirt in the entire metro area. It was horribly disappointing. I couldn't find anything and I was pressed for time, so I finally grabbed two sweaters on my way out of the last store and bought them. One was a rust-colored cashmere ("too conservative," said Mr. Goodbar) and the other was so hideously perky that I loved it in a strange way. It had a thick pink stripe on one side, and a thick orange stripe on the other side. In the end, it turned out to be a bizarrely hot day, so I wore a burgundy short-sleeve job with an interesting neckline. The suave Euro guy who hooked my mike up said, "You have a fancy shirt." I told him I brought a plain black shirt if he thought that would be better, but he said that no, this was perfect. So today I returned the two sweaters and bought a pair of earrings instead.)

I've been snagged!

I've tried to maintain a semblance of anonymity about this blog, but now the jig is up. My sister found out about it. I told my mom about the site who then told my sister, who is now apparently glued to her computer reading the Candy Yum Yum archives. She blames me for her overzealous consumption of candy over the past few days. Moi? Never.

So now, without further ado, I introduce you to my oldest sister, whom we shall call The Ice Cube Queen, after her favorite candy, Ice Cubes. In a rather ironic twist, my other sister, Betsy, (the one with many listings in the archives) is good friends with the heir to the Ice Cubes dynasty. This is what she claims; however, I've yet to see a bucket o' Ice Cubes arrive at my door.

I can't really speak too much about Ice Cubes, because I haven't had one in years. I recall that, as a kid, I didn't like them, so it was a long stretch of time before I ever tried them again. But on my second venture, I do remember liking them and their smooth, melty (hence, the name?) texture. I'm pretty sure they're not real chocolate, but I could be wrong. I'm sure Betsy's friend will let me know.

A Shocking Revelation

Dear friends,
Yesterday I learned something so shocking, so earth-shattering that I had to take 24 hours to digest the information before passing it along to you. Prepare yourself, this is a big one.
The subject is gummi bears. Those little colorful German candies that come in red, orange, yellow, clear and green. As I've mentioned before, my favorite ones are the green and clear. I've always known the clear were pineapple, just like the clearish-yellow Life Savers. Yum! But the green ... I never knew what flavor they were. They certainly weren't lime or even green apple. They were different, but I just figured they weren't a specific taste, just a generic gummi-bear-only flavor. And then I found out the truth. Hold onto your hats, ladies and gentlemen, because here it comes: Green Gummi Bears are Strawberry Flavored!
What the heck? Green for strawberry? What's that about? And furthermore, I usually don't like strawberry. I'm still in shock. I know you are too.

O frabjous day!

I was having one of those days last week-- one of those, "I'd rather poke my eyes out than listen to one more minute of crying and the Internet is down again, what the hell are we paying for?!" kind of days when the phone rang. It was Mr. Goodbar.
"Hello," I said, rather aggressively and grumpily.
"Snicker snack!" said Mr. Goodbar. "The vorpal blade went snicker snack! The Jabberwocky is about candy!"
Oy. Here I was, having a very agitated moment, and he was all excited about one of his favorite poems, "The Jabberwocky" by Lewis Carroll. I wasn't amused at the time, but today's another day. Today the sun is shining and Henri is napping and the Internet is actually working, and I see what he's saying: could it be that Lewis Carroll was an undercover candy lover? I must admit, I always associated the Jub Jub bird with JuJubes. And the Tum Tum tree made me think of lollipops dangling from a tree, like on the intro that fave childhood TV show of the 70's, The Magic Garden. Anyhow, here's the poem in its entirety. See if you agree that it has a candy-like aura about it.

The Jabberwocky

'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.
"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!"
He took his vorpal sword in hand:
Long time the manxome foe he sought—
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought.
And, as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came!
One, two! One, two! And through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.
"And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!"
He chortled in his joy.
'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.

Candy Confessions

Let me start off by saying: There is nothing wrong with eating candy! Nothing, I tell you! Yet it would appear that some of you are ashamed of your passion for all things sweet and sugary. As a service to you, Candy Yum Yum will now be hosting the Candy Confessional (see the sidebar). This is a safe place to unload all your dirty candy laundry. In Sucre Veritas.

Got Leftover Candy Corn?

A Candy Yum Yum! reader sent me the link to this recipe for Candy Corn Cookie Bark. It's a mixture of chopped Oreos, pretzels and raisins coated in white chocolate and candy corns. Interesting idea-- a good use for any leftover candy corn. I can't help but question the inclusion of raisins, though. Are they trying to make it seem healthy? Because everyone knows kids hate raisins.

Mallo Cup Mysteries Solved!

I have a particular affection for Mallo Cups. I don't know why. Is it because of the fluffy, sticky marshmallowy center? Or the surprise crispy crunch of the coconut in the chocolate? There's just something unique and magical about Mallo Cups, and of course, the "Play Money" in each package only adds to the appeal. When I was little, waaaayy before the Internet, I would save those cardboard vouchers and imagine what I could trade in my Mallo Cup cash for. A bicycle, maybe? Or how about a secret spy ring that I could use to communicate with other spy children? Well now, through the magic of the world wide Web, I was able to find out. Yes, with all those cardboard tokens that children everywhere have been saving up, you can buy a Mallo Cup baseball cap, T-shirt or, if you've really got a big stash of Play Money, a Mallo Cup watch. Woohoo. You can find the order form at the Boyer website. Oh, and while I was there, I finally learned what those hideous "Smoothie" peanut butter cups are. They're peanut butter in a butterscotch shell. Those were always one of the first things to get tossed from my Halloween stash.

Thou Shalt Hold Thy Snarky Tongue

You can buy these "Harvest Seeds" (not to be confused with secular candy corn) at many places, including the Christian Dollar Store and The Dollar Cross. Each packet has a scripture passage written on it, so you'll never miss an opportunity to witness! Okay, okay, snark over.

What's New

I had to go back to the dreaded Christmas Tree Shoppe yesterday to return some Roman shades I bought for Henri's room. They were really nice, blue with a scalloped edge, and pretty decent quality. Too bad they were an inch too short. Turns out the windows in his room are a bizarre size, so now I have to get custom shades, which means $200 per window instead of the fantastic $9.99 bargains I found. Sigh. In any case, while I was there, I decided to check out the candy since the last time I was there I found the Smarties Parties. As I mentioned before, I have a phobia against food bought at non-food stores, but wouldn't you know it-- they had the new Junior Mints Deluxe that were the hit of the Candy Expo. They're packaged in a rectangular box and each mint is individually wrapped like a Cella Chocolate-Covered Cherry. The whiff of mint you get when you first open the box is intoxicating. As for taste, they're good but they aren't exactly like Junior Mints. In the Deluxe version, the chocolate is thicker and snappier, unlike the soft, waxy chocolate of the regular. And it seemed to me that the filling in the Deluxe was slightly more minty, but that may be just because there was more of it. I like these, though. They're big enough that one is satisfying.
While I was there, I also saw two other items of note: Pop Rocks on a ribbon (I'm guessing it's like a fruit roll-up with Pop Rocks in it) and Mike & Ike and Hot Tamales sprays. I almost bought one of these, but I got scared because I thought they might be really old items. Turns out they're brand new. I've seen candy sprays before. In fact, when I went to the Candy Expo a few years ago, I was accosted by some--ahem-- ladies in bikinis hawking their no-calorie candy sprays. Hmmm. I'm sorry, but I just don't get the appeal. That's just a little too Jetsons for me. Oh, and I did score a box of Christmas ribbon candy that I'll be using for my candy paintings.

The C-word

Now that I've been doing these little candy paintings, I've encountered a problem: so many candies begin with "C". I've already done Caramels and Candy Corn, but then there's also Circus Peanuts, Crows, Cordial Cherries, Candy Cigarettes and Cigars, Coconut Clusters ... not to mention everything that begins with "Candy" or "Chocolate." And then there are the trickier letters like "E" and "U" which only have one or two possibilities.

New Feature: Candy Horoscope!

I sometimes play a fun game with people when the mood strikes me: Tell me your favorite candy, and I'll tell you about yourself. I'd say I'm about 92 percent accurate, although I sometimes get thrown off by unusual things like Snaps or Squirrel Nut Caramels. Anyhow, along the same lines, I've decided to combine two of my talents: fortune telling and candy obsessing (that's a talent, right?) to create a monthly candy horoscope (see sidebar). It's easy: just pick your favorite candy out of the 12 listed, and you're all set to plan for the upcoming month!

Time to Floss!

As we've already established, I love almonds. So when a package arrived the other day with a bag of Dove Milk Chocolate with Almonds, I was giddy. Dove is the ultimate P.M.S. chocolate-- it's so rich and luxurious and satisfying that it's a good cure for an extreme chocolate jones. Naturally I thought that the inclusion of almonds would make it even better, but I was wrong. The problem is not with the chocolate, but with the almonds which, in this case, are chopped up into itsy-bitsy, teeny-tiny shards of nut. One of the beautiful things about almonds is their dense crunchiness, which gets totally lost when you downsize them. It almost feels as if you're in danger of getting little rogue almond slivers caught in your teeth. I was very disappointed. But then again, that's just my opinion. Cybele at Candy Blog gave them an 8 out of 10, so it's up to you to decide!

Smartie Pants

As I mentioned in a previous post, I bought a bag of "Smarties Parties" because they contained not only regular Smarties, but some other fancy types as well. The tropical taste really similar to the regular. So similar, in fact, that I wouldn't be able to tell the difference if you mixed them all together. The X-treme Sour were really good, just what you'd imagine: sour Smarties. The candy money was fun. They're bigger in size and not as chalky. But the real surprise was the Smarties Bubble Gum. I thought they were bubble gum-flavored candy, but no, they're actually gum! And they look just like Smarties! Fun! I really got a kick out of those. I don't know if they sell these individually or just in the mixed packages. I suppose I could check it out at their website, even though it totally creeps me out.
(Editor's note: I did go to the creepy website, and they do sell Smarties Bubble Gum on its own.)

The Birthday Haul

Here it is, the great Birthday Haul 2007. Up in the left-hand corner is some Penotti White Chocolate spread from Alex. Very intriguing. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with it, but I'm sure it'll be tasty. Then there's the candy cigarettes, which I've been told are for Henri. The cute pumpkin bag filled with M&Ms is long gone, as is the Green & Black's dark chocolate with orange. I also got a box of Godiva Chocoiste Dark Chocolate Raspberries that are really yummy.