Monday, June 18, 2007

Stop the Insanity!

It's time for me to take a stand. This isn't going to be pleasant, but I feel like I have no choice in the matter. I must assert myself and say: Enough with the fancy chocolate!
As I mentioned in a previous post, my sister Betsy received a Vosges Haut Chocolat Mo's Bacon Bar. Apparently she was working on a project involving healthy habits and a co-worker thought this would be a funny gift, along with a couple of other bars. This weekend I had the opportunity to sample them all. (That's my brother-n-law Jeff there, showing off the goods.)
According to the Vosges website, the idea for bacon and chocolate was inspired by chocolate chip pancakes and bacon. Well, who could argue with that? That's yummy. But bacon in a candy bar is not. It's not yummy and it's not funny. It's a waste of good chocolate. It tasted like salty salad bar bacon bits covered with chocolate. I tried to be open minded, I assure you, but the concensus was: gross! So then we moved onto the next one, "Calindia," which is Indian green cardamom, organic California walnuts and dried plums in dark chocolate. I actually thought I'd like this one. I mean, what's not to like? It's dried fruit and nuts. But whoa, man, that cardamom was just overwhelming. Waaaay too strong.
Lastly we tried the "Naga," sweet Indian curry powder, coconut flakes and milk chocolate. Again, I thought I'd enjoy this one, but holy moly, it was nasty.
"It smells like Indian take out," I said.
"It tastes like the spice cabinet," Betsy said.
The worst part about the experience was that I felt like I was eating joke candy bars from Spencer Gifts, even though I know these are supposed to be sophisticated. I mean, this is quality chocolate to be sure. And I'm all for extreme sensory challenges, but this just doesn't work. My question is: does anyone truly eat these? Do fancy city-folk (as opposed to me, a hick suburbanite) really say, "Lovey, I'm craving a curry candy bar. Could you fetch me one on the way home?" Seriously. If any of you actually dig this stuff, let me know because I'm honestly curious.
Which leads me to say, there are certain flavors that are acceptable with chocolate, and others that I am banning from my candy canon. So here is the official (but not yet comprehensive) list of

Acceptable and Not Acceptable Candy Yum Yum combinations:

Chocolate and ...

Peanut butter: yay
Mustard: nay

Raspberry: yay
Beets: nay

Cinnamon, nutmeg, vanilla: yay
Black pepper, basil, oregano, thyme, lavender and/or dill: nay

Marshmallow: yay
Mayonnaise: nay

Nuts: yay
Beans: nay (except, of course, cocoa beans and coffee beans)

Cheese: yay
Chalk: nay

Potato chips: yay
Wood chips: nay


Sera said...

I've had a few Vosges bars, but none of the ones that you menton here. I've had the Barcelona Bar (roasted almonds and sea salt) and the Red Fire Bar (cinnamon and chili) and I liked them both, especially the Fire bar, which is strange because I HATE hot spicy foods and am a total whimp when I do have to eat them. I have a friend who loves theese bars...she recently had the goji one and the curry one and she liked them. I, would touch them with a ten foot pole. I agree, the combinations sound nasty!

Anonymous said...

One of my favorite chcolate bars is flavored with black pepper and lemon. I love the tartness of the lemon paired with the slight spiciness of the pepper and sweetness of the dark chocolate. I can't get my husband to try it, but that just leaves more for me!