Sunday, December 20, 2009

Dear Santa, All I Really Want is Something with the CVS Logo on It

Sometimes you see something in a store and you wonder, now who the heck would buy that? Like those ceramic statuettes of cupids and doves you see at the dollar store meant as wedding favors, or $12 "fancy" pasta sauce next to the Ragu. But just as there is someone for everyone, so there is also some*thing* for everyone. When my partner in crime saw this, she knew it was meant for me:
Yes, my friends. A CVS truck Pez dispenser. Who on this great earth would want this? What kid wants to wake up on Christmas morning to find one of these in his stocking?
I think I can safely say that I'm perhaps one of just a handful of people in the world who loves this. Back in high school, I worked at CVS. At one point, I got "promoted" to "3rd key," which means I was the third person, behind the manager and the assistant manager, to have a set of keys to the store. (I promptly lost my keys and the company had to send out a locksmith to change all the locks in the store. Oops. My bad.) In any case, I was on my way to a high-flying career with Consumer Value Stores! But then things started to kind of suck there-- we were robbed at gunpoint at 2 in the afternoon; I had to haul my butt out of bed at 3 a.m. for a truck delivery; and one of the cashiers constantly referred to me as Missy. I quit for a while, then I went back. Then my partner in crime started working there and things got fun again, but then she left to go to college and I was a big loser left to stake out my future in health and beauty aids. Eventually I got my act together and went on to get my degree in the lucrative fields of English and Fine Art. But to this day, whenever I'm feeling stressed or anxious, I have a recurring nightmare: I have to go back to work at CVS and I don't know when I'm on the schedule and I don't really want to work there, but I'm afraid I'll get fired.
I know. I have issues. But I also have a CVS eighteen-wheeler Pez. And I'm all the better for it.

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