Dear Extreme Chocolate Candy Bar with Cocoa Nibs,
I know what you're trying to do. You're trying to seduce me, but I'm here to tell you I'll have no part of it. Yes, you look beautiful in your shiny fushia wrapper, and I'm sure you're a treasure to behold, but I will not take part in wicked ways. It's only 10:30 in the morning and, while I'm sure you'd taste so good with my cup of coffee, I will not ruin today's diet by relenting to you. Please don't take this personally. It's me, not you.