Saving the Best For Last

After the corn dogs and Cletus's Salt Pockets, we determined it was finally time to procure us some moonshine. So I jumped in the car with the Baron and the Baroness and we headed out to the big city. In addition to the Piggly Wiggly, the town also sported a dollar store, which I begged the Baroness to stop at.

Here's the deal: up north, dollar stores can be mighty frightening. Sometimes in a good way (like the time I found stickers with photos of people doing their jobs, like a phone repair dude and a lab technician), but most of the time they're frightening in a bad way (horrendous plaster doves -n- wedding bells). Needless to say, I never ever NEVER buy candy from the dollar store, no matter how cool it is. That just creeps me out to no end. Anyhow, it occurred to me that a dollar store in the south might have some truly, ahem, unique items, maybe with a hunting or four-wheelin' flair.

Oh ho! How wrong I was. We walked in and-- taa daa!-- it was dollar store paradise. Not a single bejeweled tchotcke to be found. Instead, it was row after row of pretty decent stuff-- toys for the Sugar Baby's return flight, pony tail holders for moi and Gretl, mini popsicle molds perfect for a 2-year-old, stickers upon stickers ... and then I heard the Baroness say, "Hey! Get over here!"

And there was the candy aisle, a shiny mecca of totally new and weird candy, the likes of which I've never seen. First, the Limited Edition 100 Grand with Peanuts. Of course I had to get this and I made the Baron get his own when he started oogling mine.

Next, a bag of miniature Razzles. I can't tell you how much I love this. I've never seen treat-sized Razzles before. A six-pack of fruit Chiclets-- how very awesome. A "Wildlife Clik" candy dispenser with Smarties Bubble Gum. (Note that the package says, "Save our wildlife, every effort counts. 3% of our total proceeds will go to the Wildlife Conservation Society." Hmm. Three percent is a bit stingy, especially when it only cost $1).

Then this gem: edible paper with edible candy gel. Gretl shoved that whole thing in her mouth, but I forgot to ask her what it tasted like. And lastly, a Mounds lip balm.

Believe me when I tell you, I could've spent a lot more time (and money) there, but the Baroness was all like, "The bus is leaving!" and I certainly would've never found my way of that town and I'd be forced to get a job at the crazy little shack/liquor store on the side of the dirt road.