Monday, March 16, 2009

Warning: Not For the Faint of Heart

There are few things in life that can be universally agreed upon, but here's one. I would bet that the majority of the world's population would agree that the following are just creepy:
  • dolls
  • clowns/mimes/Mummenschanz
  • any show by Sid and Marty Kroftt (i.e. "Sigmund and the Sea Monsters," "H.R. Pufnstuff")
  • wood paneling
  • the boat scene in "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory"
  • Cirque de soleil
  • and certain parts of New Hampshire

Now, I would also bet that the majority of U.S. residents would name m&m's (plain or peanut) as one of their top ten favorite candies. So what happens when you combine something wonderful, such as m&m's, with something creepy, like dolls?

This is what happens:

Ah! My eyes! This, my friends, is the "Heavenly Handfuls m&m's Melts in Your Heart Doll Collection." Yes, now, for the first time ever (and let's hope the last), m&m's has paired with Ashton-Drake's line of creepy collectible baby dolls.

In case you're wondering (and I know you are!), each baby is a "mini-masterpiece, with all the details you'd expect to see in a full-sized doll--but they're only 6" long! Tiny enough to carry along with you to give you a delightful boost on the toughest day."

(Imagine this scenario: "Sorry Johnson, but we're in a recession. We've gotta let you go."

"It's okay, sir, I understand. I have my little doll right here in my pocket to make things all better.")

Each little bundle o' fright comes dressed in a specially-designed onesie and a little hat with a saying: "There's a little nut"; "Sweet on the Inside"; "Never let them see you melt"; and the appropriately threatening, "I melt for no one."

But wait! Before you go shelling out $29.99 (plus shipping and service charges) to buy one of these for your favorite little girl, please read the fine print!

"These dolls are not toys; they are fine collectibles to be enjoyed by adult collectors."

All those who think this is beyond creepy, say "Aye!"


Generbot said...

HAHAHA. Well, the M&M's may not be melting, but it looks like those doll's faces are. It looks like they're melting right off! God, help us all.

Those are the most hideous things I have ever laid eyes on.

philly said...

Aye Aye Captain!

Renee True Potter said...


Carl Weaver said...

Dolls creep me out. I tell people it's because they come alive at night, which of course isn't true but is about as logical an explanation as I can find. These dolls are especially creepy. I think they are related to Talky Tina from an old Twilight Zone episode.

The best part about that episode was seeing a young Telly Savalas, who was bald even then.

Jen said...

Wow. I'm not entirely sure what to say.

I agree that "collectible" dolls are one of the dumbest ideas on the planet. The instant you tag something you just made as "collectible", you guarantee that it actually isn't.

And the M&M's dolls are just plain ugly besides. Sexy Miss Green M&M as the body of a human baby? What's up with that?

On the other hand, I also happen to be a person who: 1) grew up with a doll collector mother, and happens to also like dolls; 2) enjoys the art of mime and thought Mummenschanz was terribly creative and clever; 3) found the work of Sid & Marty Krofft to be goofy, kitschy fun; 4) enjoys wood paneling that's done right, with quality wood; 5) sees the boat scene in Willy Wonka as an essential turning point in the film; 6) finds Cirque de Soleil to be a marvelous concept; and 7) lives in New Hampshire.

Just goes to show that it takes all kinds to make the world go around! ;^)

cinabar said...

That is freaky!

Candy Yum Yum said...

Jen--Oops! open mouth, insert foot. Please don't take offense!:)

Carl-- I remember that episode well! It scarred me for life.