Candy Yum Yum!

Listen closely as I explain how this:

Came from this:

1. Wake up at 6 a.m. on Saturday morning to a whiny 2-year-old running around the house saying "Chacka Bar! Chacka Bar!" because he wants chocolate for breakfast.

2. Ingest a pot of coffee whilst 2-year-old cries because Elmo is not on television on Saturdays.

3. Grab whiny 2-year-old and tell him as soon as he finishes his chacka bar you're going out to look for tag sales.

4. See a tag sale sign at the end of the road. Follow it to the Mother. of All. Tag Sales.

5. Get accosted by neighborhood urchins selling lemonade and cookies at the tag sale. Smile at the charm of it all until you see that they're charging $1 for lemonade. Opt for the 25 cent cookie instead. Wonder to self when the heck lemonade stopped being 5 cents a cup.

6. Give cookie to whiny 2-year-old who is already hopped on sugar from previous chacka bar.

7. Kick in to serious tag sale mode; begin creating a pile of stuff and tell lemonade hucksters to make sure nobody steals it.

8. Across the yard, spy a Melissa and Doug easel you've been coveting for months. See that it's $10. Tell the lady you'll take it.

9. Start talking to lady while 2-year-old discovers the Little Tikes playhouse that doesn't have a price tag. Ask lady how much the house is, figuring she'll say anywhere from $50 to $150.

10. Nearly pass out when her husband says, "Eh, fifteen bucks."

11. Scream, "I'll take it!" before thinking things through.

12. Gloat when other tag salers express how much of a bargain this truly is.

13. Realize you have no way to get gigantic house home.

(Pause for intermission)

1. Call Sue MKAFFGGF's husband (Mr. Chops) and ask if I might possibly borrow his truck.

2. Recruit Mr. Goodbar in the mission to collect the house and easel from the Mother. of All. Tag Sales.

3. Pick up truck from Mr. Chops. Try and tune out the Sugar Baby as he says, "Big truck! Big truck!" over and over.

4. Arrive at tag sale. Dance a jig when lady says ten other people wanted the play house.

5. Load up the goods and deliver it home.

6. Present the playhouse to the Sugar Baby.

7. Try to remain calm as the Sugar Baby insists on ignoring the play house to instead play in the "big truck."

8. Try to convince Sugar Baby that the house is more fun at the exact time he picks up a penny ("cookie money!") and drops it, ever so gingerly, into the big truck's gear shift.

9. Tell Mr. Goodbar about the disheartening turn of events; feel better when he says it shouldn't be a problem.

10. Follow Mr. Goodbar to return big truck. Feel a knot in stomach as Mr. Goodbar pulls over to the side of the road.

11. Supress the urge to throttle Sugar Baby when Mr. Goodbar says, "I need to go home and pull apart the dashboard."

12. Freak out at the thought that a $15 playhouse will turn into a $2000 big truck repair.

13. Go to grocery store while Mr. Goodbar works on truck.

14. Go to candy aisle to buy Mr. Chops some Charleston Chews to thank him/apologize to him for the use of big truck.

15. Spy something new: Cadbury Irish Creme.

16. Buy Charleston Chews and Cadbury bar. Get phone call from Mr. Goodbar saying everything's okay with big truck. Breathe sigh of relief.

17. Return big truck. Go home. Play in new play house.

The End.

Epilogue

Oh, the Cadbury Irish Creme bar? Utterly terrible. Disgusting. Chocolate is grainy and nasty-- worse than Palmer fake chocolate. Irish Creme is artificial tasting and sticky-icky. But Sue MKAFFGGF says that Mr. Chops is to mini Charleston Chews as Whitney Houston is to crack cocaine, so it's all good.