Thursday, January 29, 2009

Candy Yum Yum Book Nook (Or, This is What My Taxes Pay For?!)

Check out this piece of awesomeness that the Baroness sent me. It's a photocopied book called "Jack's Delicious Rocks" and is an Easy Reader for National Candy Day-- November. (I particularly like that it says "Fiction" on it, just in case you might get confused and think it's a true story.)
So it goes something like this (I'll paraphrase): Jack is a gnome who lives in Candyland but he's all stressed out because he doesn't want to make candy. He, of course, has bigger ideas. He wants to be a geologist. His therapist suggests that perhaps he should take some time off from work and consider his options. So one day he calls in sick and goes fishing in the syrupy lake with gummy worms. He doesn't get any bites on his line, so he leaves his fishing pole there, because he's going to blow off work again tomorrow. Back at the candy shop, all the responsible elves are busy painting stripes on candy canes and sprinkling sugar on gumdrops (and they're probably all pissed off because they had to work overtime to pick up the slack from Jack).
Jack goes home and drinks away his problems, then he gets up the next day and heads back to the lake. When he pulls his line out of the Blue #2 Lake, he gets a surprise: his fishing line is covered with crystals! Like any good scientist, Jack does the most obvious thing first: he takes a bite. They're delicious! Hooray! Jack has discovered rock candy! Now he can be a candy maker AND a geologist.
Here are my observations.
1) I like any school that celebrates National Candy Day.
2) I wonder why no Swedish fish nibbled on his line.
3) I'm concerned that the story will prejudice children against candy workers and brain wash them into thinking that they can actually make money by being geologists.
4) I'm not entirely sure this is fiction.


Dolores, who prefers chips to candy said...

Wow. Thank you for sharing this. I'm curious as to where they find writers for this class of fiction. Like artists who design cheap wrapping paper, do they "know somebody?" Are they staffer's kids who can "write really well"? Are they students trying to break into the field? Mailroom staff, perhaps? or homeless people pulled off the street?

Candy Yum Yum said...

I don't know, but if it's a paying gig, I'm all over it.