Snickers Adventure and Twix Java

It was looking like I was going to have some yummy days ahead of me, since I was finally able to get my mitts on both a Snickers Adventure bar and a Twix Java. Never have I been so disappointed. Well, okay, there was that one time when I was eight years old and the Ice Cube Queen took me to the kids' bingo night at church and I was really, really hoping to win the giant roll of insulation that someone had donated as a prize*, but this was a close second.
The Snickers Adventure bar is the latest tie-in for the new Indiana Jones movie (that, despite my better judgement, I'm actually looking forward to). The description on the wrapper says, "Rich chocolate. Crunchy nuts. And a cliffhanger kick of exotic spice and a hint of sweet coconut flavor." Well, boy howdee, that sounds good, doesn't it?
It's not.
Imagine if you will: you take an air-tight Tupperware container and put in a regular Snickers and an open bottle of Coppertone suntan lotion. You seal up the Tupperware and let it bake in the hot sun for a few months, thereby allowing the fake coconut aroma of the lotion to infiltrate the normally delicious Snickers. And voila! You have a Snickers Adventure.
Next, the Twix Java, which I've been sooo looking forward to. In fact, I contacted someone at Mars to find out where I could get one, because I haven't had any luck. The nice lady informed me that they're already being phased out, but I happened to stumble upon one. The caramel is coffee flavored and the cookie is chocolate, not vanilla. It was good. It was perfectly acceptable. But it wasn't the big "OMG!" I was hoping it would be. Frankly, I didn't think it had enough coffee flavor. So there you have it. A disappointing haul, but still better than listening to some other kid shout "BINGO!"

*As I was only eight years old, I had no idea what the insulation was, but it looked amazingly similar to cotton candy and it had a picture of the Pink Panther on the wrapping. You would think, however, that some thoughtful adult might've said, "Hey, I don't think any kids are going to want to win this insulation. Why don't we just donate it to the church and offer them a 25 cent candy bar instead?"