Down South Candy Review: Taffy, Lollipops and Caribbean Jerk Chocolate

I'm not a big fan of taffy. It's one of those candies that I can easily resist, along with caramel Bulls-eyes and red licorice. But when we stopped at Smoky Mountain Candy Makers, I felt like it was my duty to at least sample some of their homemade taffy. I bought four pieces: Banana, Chocolate Peanut Butter, Butterscotch and Teaberry.
We cut them up into little pieces for everyone to try, but as is usually the case with the von Schokolats, we'd had a few beverages beforehand and my notes are minimal and cryptic. Someone thought the chocolate peanut butter tasted like a Tootsie Roll. The teaberry was compared to Icebreakers and Pepto Bismol. To me, it was less wintergreeny than Pepto and I found it to be very tasty. I thought the banana had a nice, mellow taste and the butterscotch tasted like caramel. The thing is, I really liked this taffy. It wasn't the usual waxy, overly sweet Salt Water Taffy that we have here in New England. This stuff had much more flavor and a decent chew.
I had also bought a cherry lollipop for the Sugar Baby, but in our drunken state of munchiness state of curiosity, we decided that Shirley needed to take a hammer to that bad boy so we could all taste it. It was very yummy. I have to give props to these Smoky Mountain Candy people. They really did make a homemade candy that tasted good.On the way back from dulcimer-buying and lunch at Grandma's Kitchen (where I had country-fried steak, mashed potatoes and collard greens-- oh yes, I did!), we stopped at the Beef Jerky Outlet because really, you can't not stop there. I bought some kangaroo jerky for The Baron (I seem to remember him inhaling it, but I don't know if he liked it) and some Caribbean Jerk Dark Chocolate made by the Dillsboro Chocolate Factory. Now, of course, I'm not big on the whole "let's be clever and put savory spices in our chocolate" thing, so I went into the tasting with a bad attitude. I also forgot to take a picture before the vultures got to it. The chocolate itself was actually pretty good; smooth and bitter. But the spice thing-- ick. Shirley said, "It tastes like Baker's Chocolate, only not as good," and someone else said that it tasted like Hot Cheetos/chili powder/fish. Or was that our shopping list? I don't remember. In any case, The Baron and Mr. Goodbar devoured the thing in two seconds flat. They liked it. There's a candy out there for everyone. I think there was something crazy in that chocolate, though, because before you knew it, hijinx ensued. It's always a party when there's candy involved.

The Devil Made Me Do It

As usual, the weather reports said there would be a massive snow storm this weekend. Like any good irrational person, I headed to the grocery store to stock up on milk and bread because--oh my-- imagine if I had to go a day or two without these essentials. Then I sent Mr. Goodbar an e-mail and told him to be sure to stop at the liquor store* on the way home because being caught for a day or two without some refreshing beverages, well now, that really would be an emergency.

And then the devil on my shoulder whispered in my ear.

"You might want to get some chocolate."

The angel on my shoulder replied,

"But she's trying to be so good with her diet. If she doesn't have it in the house, she won't eat it."

Devil: "She could be shut in for weeks without any chocolate."

Angel: "It probably won't snow more than an inch."

Devil: "Maybe she should just look to see if anything strikes her fancy."

Angel: "That would mean going out in the cold again."

Devil: "She did forget to buy bread at the grocery store."

Angel: "She won't die without chocolate."

Devil: "You don't know that."

Guess who won out?
There was a display of Valor chocolates, made in Spain. There were cool flavors like orange and pear, but when I saw banana--a rare flavor with chocolate-- I knew I had to get it. I expected it to be a chocolate bar with banana cream inside, so I was quite surprised when I bit into it and realized it was solid chocolate with banana, um, I'm not sure what they were. It was almost like tiny bits of toffee, only they were banana. At first chew, I wasn't sure about this at all. But by the second piece, I was hooked. This is some good shizz, as the kids say. And speaking of kids, No-Nuts is going to do her own review of this lovely, unusual bar.

(*For those of you who don't live in states with ridiculous Blue Laws, you're probably saying, "Why didn't you get your wine at the grocery store?" The answer is, because we can't. Some old dudes in powdered wigs way back when decided the evil offending firewater would be best sold in a separate store that's located no where near where you have to run all your other errands.)

You Must Pay the Rent

In addition to all the other German goodies, Frau Marzipan also gave me these:

Schoko-Bananen, or, roughly translated, Chocolate Bananas.

They're like a combination between marshmallow Peep-ish and almost gummyish foam. The banana is wickedly artificial (which is a good thing, for those of us who like artificial banana).

As you can see, they're not only tasty, but a good source of entertainment for the Baron, as well. I think they should replace the picture of Herr Alpine on the box with the Baron's handsome mug. What do you think?

Kiwi Candy!

We've been having issues with our mail lately. As in: the mailman is too lazy to walk 25 feet down the driveway and up three stairs to our mailbox, so we got a nasty form letter from the post office saying we had to put a box by the side of the road or else our mail would be only be available for viewing on the Internet. (Actually, they said we'd have to pick our mail up in the next town over. Whaaaa???) Fine. So we put up a new mailbox. I give it three days once school is out and teenage boys take a baseball bat to it. Or I run it over. In any case, now what does the mailman do? He walks across the lawn, past the original mailbox and down the steps to the new mailbox. Whatever. All this is to say that I couldn't get out of the house fast enough when I saw a giant envelope sitting on top of the mailbox. (Yes, on top. Whatever.)

Hooray! It was a super-special parcel from the very fabulous City, a.k.a. the New Zealand Cupcake Queen. We "met" when I sent her my cupcake painting for her Cupcake Project blog. I mentioned how, at this here very blog, FIVE YEARS AGO (holy cow!) I wrote about a candy bar called Perky Nana that I would love to try. And voila! She so kindly offered to send me some.

Let me tell you, I tore into that envelope quicker than a kid getting a college acceptance letter. There, in all its glory, was a bag of miniature Perky Nanas ("Banana flavoured chew bar covered with dairy milk chocolate). Here's what they are, in essence: banana Charleston Chews. Yum! I can't imagine why they don't sell these here. I think they'd be a huge hit. I put some in the freezer; I'll try those later. But they've lived up to my expectations. What a joyful thing!

As I sat down to write this entry, I opened up the bag of Jaffas ("orange coated, chocolate filled.") City makes cupcakes out of these and I see why-- they're yumtastic. They're these little balls of chocolate with a coating similar to M&Ms, only thicker, and they have a very subtle orange taste. I've already developed a way to eat them: I suck on the orange candy part, then carefully bite it away until I'm left with just chocolate. These suckers are addictive. On the back of the bag it says, "Shhh! In the days of cinema with wooden floors, fun loving children would giggle uncontrollably as they listened to the sound of their Cadbury Jaffas bouncing down the aisles. With the introduction of carpet and grumpy adults, this leisure activity is now extinct."

The last goodie is called Pineapple Lumps, which I haven't tried yet. (Hey, I've got to pace myself.) But boy, they look good.

City said she likes Reese's, so I sent her a Reese's Whipp, some Hershey Kissables and a Take 5 bar, along with some funky sprinkles for her cupcakes. She recently made Mountain Dew cupcakes and dressed them up with some shark sprinkles! Cute!

Dontcha just love the Internet?!

I'm all shook up!

When I first heard about the Elvis Peanut Butter and Banana Reese's about six months (maybe a year?) ago, I immediately spazzed out without doing my homework first. I looked everywhere for one, not realizing that they hadn't been released yet. When my search proved unfruitful, I called my mother-in-law, who lives in Memphis, and sent her off on a wild goose chase. She looked all over the place: the gift shop at Graceland, the airport, everywhere. Then I realized the error of my ways. Oops.

So when I got an email on Friday saying that a sneak preview of the Elvis Big Cup was coming my way, I just about jumped up and swiveled my hips. Sure enough, a package arrived at my door and let me tell you, I didn't waste a second. I muttered a quiet, "Please keep sleeping! Please keep sleeping!" up towards Henri's room and ripped into the box.

The wrapper says "Peanut Butter & Banana Creme," so I instantly got nervous. First of all, banana is a tricky flavor. It can be too banana-ey, too artificial. The word "creme" brought to mind an ooey-gooey concoction that I wasn't sure would be successful. But as it turned out, the "creme" was more of a ... what? Not chewy like a nougat. Not as solid as a white chocolate. Almost kind of like the texture of a York Peppermint Pattie, but not as sticky. I guess that's why they called it a creme, because there doesn't seem to be another suitable word.

The banana flavor wasn't overwhelming, and in fact, was very subtle. It almost disappears into the peanut butter flavor, but then you get a hit of it.

This isn't candy for the wimpy: it's definitely a big ol' hunk o' sweet -n- sugary. I gave one to my brother to try. (Admittedly, he doesn't have the most discerning palate.) He shoved a whole cup into his gaping maw and proclaimed, "Don't give this to a diabetic!" Words to the wise.

I really dig the Elvis cups, but I have to admit that I feel like there's something missing. Maybe it's because I have the idea of a pb & banana sandwich in my head. I almost feel like the cups should be grilled between two slices of bread. YUMMY! And I can definitely see the miniatures being baked into brownies. I may have to try that today.

So get ready. The Reese's Elvis Cups will be coming to a store near you on July 6. Whoa Mama!

Necco Update

I contacted the customer service people at Necco about the Smoothie controversy (see post below.) They sent a very kind e-mail saying that the flavor selection is indeed random, but they'd be sending my query on to Quality Control. In the meantime, Alexandra was sweet enough to share her four banana caramel wafers with me. They were lacking that slightly sour tang of real banana flavor. It was more of a cloying, artificial banana with some serious caramel notes. But I always like to see banana represented in the candy canon. I think it deserves as much respect as say, watermelon or green apple.

Yes, we have no bananas

So I was cruising through the grocery store yesterday trying to get in and get out in record time, when I noticed that the Easter candy had been replaced by the "summer" candy. Of all seasons, summer is just the worst when it comes to candy. It's all gumdrops and Circus Peanuts. But there, in the middle of the aisle, was a display of Necco Wafers Smoothies. Maybe these have been around for a while, but it was my first time seeing them. I stood in front of that stupid display for much longer than I should have, contemplating whether or not to buy a package. (Because at 69 cents, it was a huge investment.)
I'm not a fan of Necco Wafers, but there's something so comforting and quintessentially "candy" about them. And since they're made in New England, I felt like I should do my part to support the company, so I bought a pack. The package says the flavors are blueberry, banana caramel, tropical, peach and strawberry creme. The only one I was really interested in was the banana caramel. Sadly, that was the only flavor that I DIDN'T get in the package. But more about that later.
The first one I tried was peach, and I generally hate all things peach flavored except for real off-the-tree peaches. But I must say, this was pretty pleasant. In fact, after eating one, I found I wanted another. Lucky for me, the second wafer was also peach. But then so was the third, and the fourth. Okay, I thought, maybe they've stacked all the same flavors together. So I tore off the whole wrapper and what did I find? The majority was peach, followed by strawberry, a few tropical, ONE, yes ONE, blueberry and, as I said before, NO banana. What's up with that? Hey Necco, how about some quality control?
The strawberry creme was pretty good, although I'm not a huge strawberry fan. The tropical was pleasant; it tasted like a pina coloda. I was afraid it would be too coconutty/suntan lotion tasting, but it was pretty balanced with a hint of pineapple. The lone blueberry one was tasty, but I wouldn't say it tasted like a blueberry. More like a mixed berry kind of flavor. But alas, I will probably never know what the banana caramel tastes like, unless some kind soul feels like sharing theirs with me.

New inventory!

I've added an international flair to my candy cabinet. I've lived in this town for nine years and it was only last week when I finally ventured into a little Polish store about a mile down the street. It was really cute and I was amazed by the candy selection. I decided to start with the candy that looked most accessible to my American palate. First, there's the Tropic Banana in Chocolate ("+ banana extract").
Well, it's interesting. First of all, the bar is shaped like a banana, which is kind of cute. Biting into it, the texture is very firm, like a jelly spearmint leaf or orange slice. Here's the thing: the banana flavor is pretty darn accurate. It has that same slightly sour twinge of a banana, rather than the usual artificial sweet banana flavor used in other candies. And the texture makes it almost seem like a real banana. The drawback here is the chocolate. It's gritty and cheap. If this filling was coated in real dark chocolate, it would be pretty amazing.

Then there's "3 Bit," which has a sticker in English describing it as "biscuit in cream filling with milk chocolate." I have no idea what the third says but the English description is "milk chocolate bar with creamy filling." And last is the European favorite, Kinder Bueno, which, believe it or not, I've never had. So I have some tasting work ahead of me. I'll report back.