Halloween 2014: The Recap

Remember this little guy?

Well, he has now reached the milestone of going to the orthodontist. Yes, that's right. Due to brilliant planning on my part, the Sugar Baby* got expanders put in the week before Halloween. In addition to a new toothbrush, an envelope full of wax and some little tooth-pokey things, he received this.

Now, take a good look at that picture. It meant to make you feel good, like, "Hey! I can still chow down on my Halloween stash." But what you're not seeing is what people really give out. Snickers, Milky Ways, Skittles, Laffy Taffy, Airheads, Butterfingers, Starbursts, Baby Ruths ... all the good stuff that you get a ton of.
Here's a picture of this year's haul:

(Note the glaring absence of Dum Dums. This is a Halloween first.) The doctor promised that he'd give kids $2 a pound for any Halloween candy they brought into him. At first, the Sour Patch Kid was excited and devised a plan to spend his new-found riches on a video game. Then he realized that he would probably max out at $2.50 and couldn't be bothered to bag it all up. It's now sitting in my cupboard where it will remain until next Halloween.

As per the annual Laws of Halloween, we started off with an early visit to Father John. This year we were his first visitors. Somehow the SPK managed to score three full-size bars.

I, on the other hand, was treated to a fantastic bag full of "breakfast," as Father John explained. It was Jacques Torres' chocolate-covered corn flakes and Cheerios. (No picture because I shoved those babies into my gaping maw the next day). Then it was over to Grandma and Pop Pop's before joining up with a wild band of about ten other eight-year-old boys.
Alex the Super Shopper promptly sent me a picture of her son's haul, and it was alarmingly mainstream, as well. No shampoo bottle this year. (Read all about that here.) Thank goodness, though, that my friend Susan sent a picture of something awesome from her daughter's trick-or-treat bag:

 

 

So there you have it. Halloween 2014 was certainly a success in that we didn't get a snowstorm or a hurricane and the Sour Patch Kid managed to score enough orthodontist-approved candies to keep himself happy for a week.

*In addition to being old enough to go to the orthodontist, he is also now old enough to know about this blog and the fact that he has been called the Sugar Baby for eight years. He is not happy about this and so, to respect his wishes, from now on he shall be called the Sour Patch Kid. *Sniff.*

Halloween 2013: the analysis

It's time for the official analysis of Halloween 2013. As you may know, my friend Alex always sends This year, they split up and went to two different neighborhoods. First, one batch with an alarming absence of Reese's. What?! That's really quite disturbing.

The second haul is so mainstream, I can't stand it. What was up with Halloween this year?

There's something important to be learned from these Halloween hauls, but I'm not quite sure what it is. Perhaps since it was the first Halloween we've had in two years, people were all about giving the "top" candies. I just fear the day when all the kids get are just Snickers and Skittles and they don't get to experience the joy of the random Necco wafers or bubble bath bottle.

Thank God it's over with

As you may recall, last year my friend Alexandra found some interesting stuff in her kids' trick-or-treat bags. My favorite is the empty Scooby Doo bubble bath bottle. This year was nary so interesting. Lots of political stuff, and a Kicking Daisies CD, but the rest was all pretty mainstream. They did score quite a few full-sized bars, though.

So that about does it for Halloween 2011: The Horror Story.

How did your Halloween stack up?

Oh the Horror! Tricks, Not Treats, Dominate This Year's Halloween Haul

A new Halloween tradition has started around here. It's called, "I can't wait to get the pictures of Alexandra's trick-or-treat haul." As you might remember, last year Alex's son came home with a big bagful of candy and ... a chocolate Easter bunny. I thought she'd get a kick out of our candy cane and nasty expired candy this year, but oh no, she has us beat again. And in a big way. Example Number One: Candy from her older son's bag. Let's see, there's some nice full-size bars there, Oreos, lots of Butterfingers and M&M's. But then, let's take a closer look. To the far left is a holiday foam kit to make a skeleton. Well that's cool. Up top, there's an "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader" toy that appears to be from a Wendy's kids' meal. Okay, a little weird, but within the boundaries of acceptability. There's a Capri Sun. Um, hello? A bag of juice mixed in with all sorts of candy and other wackiness? Seems like a recipe for disaster. Fortunately it didn't explode. And then we have the coupon for one free week of karate (lame) and, in a bold and daring move that makes Charlie Brown's trick-or-treat rocks look almost tempting, we have a postcard from a mortgage broker. It says something about locking in a "Spooktacular" rate on your mortgage. Maybe next year I'll hand out magazine subscription postcards if this is the way things are headed. But wait! Just when you think you've seen it all, let's move over to the younger boy's Halloween haul. He's the same age as the Sugar Baby, which is a terribly cute stage and, according to my research, is likely to get you more candy. So here we have lots of full-sized bars-- nice score! There's a Skippyjon Jones book. Well, nothing wrong with that, I suppose, and a Where's Waldo toy (another kids' meal, perhaps?) There's something to the right that looks like a baby teether and some various other little toys. But, ladies and gentlemen, the piece de resistance, or perhaps more accurately, the coup de grace, the Scooby Doo. Cute, right? A big plastic Scooby Doo toy-- who wouldn't want one? Well, no one would considering it's an EMPTY BUBBLE BATH BOTTLE! Yes, dear Yumsters, you read that right. A used toiletry item.
So let's consider the questions these two candy hauls bring up.
1) Where in the heck is Alexandra trick-or-treating? (I asked her and strangely enough, it was in her parents' neighborhood which is quite lovely and not at all the type of of place you'd expect to find anything worse than a roll of Necco wafers.)
2) Where are people getting this stuff? Do they save all their kids' meal toys and plastic crap all year just to give out at Halloween?
3) Do they think kids are going to be excited to find an empty bubble bath bottle in their bags?
4) How can *I* lock in a Spooktacular rate on my mortgage?
So dear Yumsters, you know I want to hear from you now. What special goodies did your kids get in their bags this year? Don't be shy. We want to know! And if anyone can beat the Scooby Doo bottle, I'll send you a special surprise.