Halloween 2010: WE WERE TRICKED!

Okay, first of all, Halloween on a Sunday: bad idea. There was just something wrong, something off about the whole evening.
Here's how it went down for us. In the afternoon, I took the Sugar Baby to the local farm where they were supposedly having some sort of Halloween celebration. "Bring a canned good for the local food bank!" it said in the paper. I went into my pantry and oddly, had nary a canned good, so I packed up the ten thousand individual packets of Annie's Cheddar Bunny crackers I had that the Sugar Baby won't eat. It was the best I could. We got to the farm and basically it was a "buy a raffle ticket to win a pumpkin" and "listen to loud, annoying spooky music" festival. Boo.
We started off trick-or-treating in my parents' neighborhood. It was oddly quiet. It seemed as if more people had their lights off than on. And, a new thing this year, quite a few houses actually left out buckets of candy. This was my dream when I was little. I'd heard of people doing it, but never experienced it. Well, this year, the Sugar Baby got plenty of opportunities to paw through bowls of candy.
After doing that circuit, we went to see Fr. John who was rocking Halloween. Then, onto our neighborhood. Again, fewer houses were giving out candy. What gives?
In any case, here's the haul: one full-sized Snickers and Skittles. Lots of mini Milky Ways, Snickers, Twizzlers, Sweettarts, etc. But enough of that. Let's look at the freaks.
Example one: a mini candy cane. You cannot fool me, Candy Cane person. I know this is leftover from last year's Christmas.
Example two: A Clark Teaberry Gum Ball. Where did this even come from? I've never seen these and who on earth would buy them. (I mean, I totally would, but that's just me.)
Example three: Butterfinger Snackerz. I couldn't wait to try these bad boys. They were strange. The first taste was really good. They're just like Butterfingers, except they're small squares and the center is hollow so they're not as dense. But then they got this weird butteriness to them that I wasn't sure I liked. Although to be fair, my teeth are not in great shape these days and I found crunching to be difficult.
And then, dear Yumsters, I give you our two tricks.
For tonight's after-dinner treat, the Sugar Baby chose the Cow Tail. "Good choice," I said. "You'll like that." I opened it for him and found that it was broken. I gave him the first piece, then the second, then I said, "Wait a minute. These aren't supposed to break. These are supposed to be chewy." I looked at the wrapper. It had expired in 2009! So gross.
I suggested the Sugar Baby take something similar, like perhaps that Chick-o-Stick. I unwrapped it, he took a bite and then this cloud came over his face. I knew that cloud. I had experienced it myself this summer when I bit into a cracker from 2000. I grabbed the Chick-o-Stick wrapper and wouldn't you know it? Expired in 2008. Someone's trying to poison us! Naturally I then put it in my mouth to see if it truly was bad. O.M.G. The Sugar Baby took it all with aplomb (and cleansed his taste buds with Dots), but I can still taste the bitter sawdust in my mouth. A pox upon those who distribute expired candy! Raisins and pennies are one thing, but bad candy is a whole 'nother ball game.

I Got Presents!

If you think I'm looking a little more fashionable lately, it's not a trick of the eye. Check out this super cool backpack that Gretl von Schokolat made for me. She made this beautiful bag, complete with Chips Ahoy, Fun Dip and M&M wrappers, from her own wild imagination. Totally cute, right? She is one talented Chiclet.And then today, No-Nuts said, "I have a present for you." I had just driven to the far stretches of Connecticut, along one of the longest, most boring roads you could ever imagine, to dump off her mattress, box spring and bottles of booze she left in my freezer "Collected Works of Shakespeare." Yes, she has flown the coop and entered the real world. So she handed me this bag:Oh how sweet! A Pandora bracelet. Or necklace. Or ring. Or ... a bag of Skittles Fizzl'd Fruits and two very sketchy pieces of candy she got from the international crowd she works with.I've pondered trying the Skittles for a while now, but was never motivated enough to actually seek them out. The flavors are Berry Punch, Melon Berry, Raspberry, Strawberry and Wild Cherry. They look like regular Skittles, except they're covered in a powdery substance that actually does fizzle on your tongue, similar to the center of a Zotz. I thought the Berry Punch was pretty gross, but the other flavors were good. I wouldn't choose these over Sour Patch Kids, but I wouldn't turn them away if someone gave me a package for, say, lugging their crap halfway across the state.
The other two candies have nary a trace of English on them, nor do they have a recognizable fruit. Given my recent experience with international candy, I'm hesitant to try them. I think I'll save them for another night when I'm feeling a bit braver, or after I've had a few shots of Shakespeare.

Sweet Treat of the Week: Mrs. Bunnylady!

(Pictured above, Mrs. Bunnylady after eating one too many Skittles.)

Dear Yumsters, I've switched things up a bit and moved the Sweet Treat to Monday. This week’s treat is one-of-a-kind. Our guest is none other than Mrs. Bunnylady. Never heard of her? Someday she’ll be famous. As for now, Mrs. Bunnylady is the alter ego of Miss Sarah, an 11-year-old girl with a vivid imagination.
According to Sarah, Mrs. Bunnylady was born in Saint Paul, Minnesota. She lived on a farm with her mother, father and brother where they raised goats and alpacas. When she was 5 years old she moved to North Carolina. Mrs. Bunnylady is now 11 and makes videos where she interviews people. She is very sassy. She one day hopes to become famous on You Tube.

Dear Madame Yum Yum,

Thank you for giving me the privilege to guest host on your scrumptious Candy Yum Yum blog! I am very excited to answer your questions about candy! I am big fan of candy! I once entered a candy-eating contest and ate 300 bags of Skittles! I then had a sugar rush and had to be taken to the emergency room. Well, I guess I should begin answering your questions.

What’s your favorite candy?
My favorite candy is Skittles because they are the colors of the rainbow. I once flew over a rainbow with a leprechaun!

Tell us one of your childhood candy memories.
One of my most precious childhood candy memories happened when I was six years old. I had a pet goat named Petunia. I fed her Sweet Tarts as a treat for dessert.

What’s your favorite fruit flavor in candy?
My favorite fruit flavor in candy is grape because when I was 10 years old my math teacher would give me grape flavored candy for answering the problem 2+2. Now whenever I get a grape flavored piece of candy I put it in my grape flavored candy bag of honor and eat it five days later.
Gummies or hard candies?
I prefer hard candy because gummy candy is so hard to brush off my teeth! Whenever I eat a gummy candy I have to scrub and scrub with my little Winnie The Pooh toothbrush, but it never comes off!

What is your favorite candy holiday?
My favorite candy holiday is Easter because I always get the most eggs. I have a secret to share as to how I do that. I hide the eggs with the adults and then dress up as a five year old. I get all the eggs because I know where they are. The best part about it is that I make all the kids cry.

Milk, dark or white?
My favorite kind of chocolate is milk because when I was seven I took a trip to the Hershey's Factory and stole all the milk chocolate bars. Then I fed some to my pet Petunia and she went berserk and ran off. After that my mom grounded me for 6 weeks and I felt so sad I escaped through my window and ran to go live with the cows who make milk for the milk chocolate.

Circus Peanuts: yay or nay?
Last but not least, Circus Peanuts are sadly a nay. I loathe them because they look like styrofoam! When I first ate one I thought it was styrofoam. My mom told me it was candy, but I still did not think so and I still don't think so today!
Thank you so much for letting me answer these candy questions! Remember to always be kind to your pet goats and always get the first Easter eggs! Sincerely, Miss Bunnylady

Thanks so much, Mrs. Bunnylady! Remember to always brush your teeth after eating Skittles!

And now Yumsters, how about you? Would you like to be featured as a Sweet Treat of the Week? Give me a shout at: candyyumyummail@yahoo.com.

Two, Two, Two Tastes in One! (Well, not really.)

On a normal candy-scavenging day, I probably would've walked right past the Skittles Crazy Cores, but after I read the review by the cheeky lads over at Candy Gurus, I had to give them a go.

The Gurus claim that these are bunk because they are not "Two Flavors in Each Piece" as the package claims. The flavors are supposed to be: Mango Peach, Cherry Lemonade, Strawberry Watermelon, Melon Berry and Blue Raspberry Lemon.

Out of all of them, I think the Cherry Lemonade came the closest to being two flavors, but the boys were right: these aren't magic candies. There's no dual personalities here. These are just differently-flavored Skittles. Having said that, No-Nuts LOVED these Skittles and I believe she's going to go on a rampage if she doesn't get more soon. As for me, they were fine, but I've always been a little afraid of Skittles ever since I found out they have more calories (230!) than your average candy bar.

Chocolate Skittles? WTH? (Just trying to keep it family-friendly)

I've seen these Chocolate Skittles around and I've always thought I should pick some up and try them, but I just find it hard to get excited about chocolate "flavored" things. So I was totally psyched when My Connection hooked me up with a package. Not willing to trust my own judgement, I got No-Nuts and Mr. Goodbar involved in the taste test. Herewith, the proclamations from No-Nuts, which I totally agree with:

Brownie Batter: "It tastes like chocolate-flavored Chapstick."

S'mores: "Tastes like S'mores Pop Tarts." (Actually, I've never had those, so I can't say if that's true or not. But they didn't taste like S'mores to me.)

Vanilla: "Why are these in the chocolate mix?"

Chocolate Caramel: "Tastes like a Tootsie Pop."

Chocolate Pudding: "It's accurate, but it has a grassy aftertaste."

And this, from the Killjoy Mr. Goodbar:

"The problem with Skittles is that they're the epitome of something that tastes artificial. You know it's not real. So why would I eat those over these?" (He says as he stuffs a Licor de Cafe Borrachito in his mouth.)

Meet My Connection

I mentioned before that the Sugar Baby's future father-in-law procured for me a bag of Aero Bubbles (which I inhaled) and I hadn't even met him. I finally had the good pleasure of getting liquored up dining out with him and the future mother-in-law last weekend during a blissfully child-free evening, where The Future MIL presented me with a gem that she unearthed during a cleaning frenzy. It's a cookbook, simply titled, "Candy Cookbook." This is a brilliant little publication from the year MCMLXVI (I was absent the day we learned Roman numerals, so this could be a gift from the future for all I know) and it includes every possible date nut roll and fudge recipe you could ever want.

The first chapter is an instant draw: "Candy Favorites From First Ladies." Apparently it's a requirement that you know how to make candy if your husband is to be the president or governor. (Which begs the question, if Hilary had won, would Bill have had to put on an apron and start whipping up some peanut brittle?) Then it moves on to chapters of beaten candy, fruit candy, drop candy and, my favorite, nut confections. Take, for example, these two randomly chosen pages where you'll find the following recipes:

Brown Sugar Pralines

Buttermilk Pralines

Best Creamy Pralines

Creamy Brown Sugar Pralines

Cream Pralines

Creamy Pralines

Creamy Pralines (no, not a typo; there are two Creamy Praline recipes)

Creamy Creole Pralines

Creamy Praline Patties

Louisiana Cream Pralines

Creole Pralines

(and then, if you turn the page, Delicious Pralines, Easy Pralines, Mexican Pralines, Orange Pralines, etc., etc.)

Let me tell you, this book has it all. But perhaps the very best part is the introduction. In case you can't read it, here's what it says:

"Candy is Fun Food ...

... fun to make and fun to eat. And candy is energy food for young and old alike. The things that candy is made of-- sugar, corn syrup, molasses, honey ... butter, eggs, milk, cream ... chocolate, nuts, fruits, jams-- contain the basic proteins, carbohydrates, vitamins and minerals that children and adults need in their daily diets."

Didja get that?! CANDY IS ENERGY FOOD! Woohoo! Yes, dear reader, this is your official license to eat candy! Hey, it must be true because the Candy Cookbook says so!

So today, the future MIL came over for a playdate and she had a surprise for me-- a bag of chocolate Skittles. "The Connection found these at the train station on his way home," she said. "I asked him if he tried them and he said, "Oh no, they're for Ms. Yum Yum," causing her to wonder what he might've had as his afterwork commute snack. I'm quite sure it was a banana or perhaps a bottle of water and some celery sticks. I haven't tried the Skittles yet. I'm going to wait until No-Nuts gets home from work so I can get her opinion, too.

Complain, complain

I've seen the Wildly Cherry M&Ms lots of times, but I never bought them because cherry usually isn't my thing. Oh sure, I like cherry Life Savers, and I loved cherry Bubble Yum, but in general, nah. But the Baroness found these and brought back a package for us all to try. Here's what I liked about them: the size. They're slightly bigger and rounder than regular old M&Ms, so you get a bigger bite out of them. Here's what I hated: the taste. It was like a Robitussin-flavored candy. Yeecch. I, however, was in the minority. Everyone else really liked them. So there you go. Don't pay attention to my opinion, because apparently, I don't know what I'm talking about. But I'm sticking to my guns anyway.

When I found the Chocolate Take 5 at the scary K-Mart, I also saw Skittles Carnival Bubble Gum. I thought this would be a fun surprise for the wee von Schokolats, so I picked up a box. The flavors are cotton candy, candy apple, pink lemonade, gumball and berry-go-round. (Note: I forgot what the flavors were, so I just looked it up on the Skittles website which has got to be one of the most annoying sites EVER. The different products "drive" by and you have to click on them if you want to learn more, but they're going so fast you can't even tell what's what. And there are mushrooms up in the corner-- what's up with that? Apparently they're trying to give Skittles a trippy image, but is that really what they should be marketing to kids?? Can someone from Skittles please get back to me on this. I really am curious.) Anyhow ...
Here's the thing with Skittles gum, as explained by Gretl von Schokolat:
"They look like regular candy Skittles and when you chew them, they have that same disappearing texture, so you feel like you're eating candy. But then all of a sudden, it turns into gum and that's really weird."
Very astute observation, little Gretl. You're so right. So taste-wise, these were pretty good, but the whole candy/gum conundrum was disturbing. A disappointing candy day, to be sure, but there would always be tomorrow ...
(Can't you just feel the suspense?!)